Saturday, February 12, 2011

Girls' Love, The Finale!

Between this series and the Superman comics, I am convinced that DC is obsessed with incest.

Well, it took them over a decade and 150 issues, but they finally put an African-American on the cover. Also, my first thought with this cover was, "Maybe they should just love each other? That'd be hot! Rrooowrr...."

"Is the reception still on?"
"Well, I guess I can take the toaster back..."
"Hmm, I bet I can still make it home in time to watch the game...."

Yeah, that biker looks tough. Nothing says "badass" like a lavender shirt.

Man, can those two make out or what? It takes a lot of discipline to continue frenching when you have a screaming child pulling your hair.

Would she rather he had guessed correctly? Also, how on earth did that sweater pass the Comics Code Authority? Moonshiners don't sport jugs that big!

STILL More Girls' Love Comics

You don't want him in THAT jacket, at least.

"Hey, maybe you should draw an actual beach?"
"Feh! Beaches are hard!"

Guys, I think we've all been there at least once.

Because promiscuous tramps need some time on the cover too.

From the waist up, she's a normal girl. From the waist down, she's ready to fight the orcs and goblins.

I think the answer to that question rests in large part on whether or not she'll keep the mask on after marriage.

Friday, February 11, 2011

More Girls' Love

Yeah, that's a great plan. I once pretended to have a stroke to get free cheesecake.

To answer her question, it's because she's a woman, am I right fellas? ... I'll get me coat. (Ladies, please feel free to leave any hate mail as a comment.)

Dude, your standards are too high. I personally don't care how many exes a girl has, but then, we've established that I have no pride.

Does Hulk Hogan know she has his feather boa?

Here's another guy who should be happy with what he's got. Jeez.

Oh, that poor little redhead! If I was 16 again, I'd ask her out. Or, perhaps more accurately, I'd cast nervous glances in her direction until I tried to speak, blurt out something awkward, then run away crying.

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Girls' Love Comics, Part Whatever It Is We're Up To.

Heaven forbid the groom mingle with the guests. When I was merely an usher at my brother's wedding, I was told in no uncertain terms to fraternize with people I'd never met before or since.

See? Another sultry stewardess! Every romance comic!

He's right there! Behind you! This lady makes people in the Superman universe seem insightful and observant.

"If she really loved you, it would be easy for her to let you go." Sound logic there, if you're a robot.

Well, it's your own damn fault for letting his ex be in the bridal party.

I'd like to point out that this is the SECOND comic in this series that has focused on the tawdry love life of a drive-in restaurant roller waitress.

Check out the Frank and Dean cameo. They don't even draw attention to it on the cover. It's just BAM! Rat Pack.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Girls Love Comics, Boys Love Football

Let's see... Dark hair, dark clothes, arched eyebrows; I'm betting the lady in purple is a lying, manipulative villain in this story.

I love how there's literally no context for this one. The lady in orange just storms in and acts mean. For fun, take her taunt and replace "try on my wedding dress" with something else and say it to someone. "Go ahead and have some of my three-bean casserole; you'll never have one of your own!!!"

You know why they call a queen's staff a sceptre? Because everyone gets love 'cept her! ... I just realized that joke doesn't really work in a printed medium.

Do people really make out underwater?

"Stupid snow! I hate you!!!"

The moon has been known to call bowling alleys and ask if they have 10lb balls.

I've learned from experience that you should, at the very least, be absolutely certain you know the woman before you start smelling her hair.

See? More underwater smooching! I'm missing out!!!

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Are you ready for some football?

Today is SuperBowl Sunday, and I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon with a special post. I thought we'd take a look at NFL SuperPro!

Many others have written in depth about this mook; I'm just going to talk about the covers. However, here's everything you need to know. Anyway, let's get this game on!

See, he doesn't just fight crime, he TACKLES it. Because he's a football player. I wish there were more pro wrestler superheroes, so they could have a tagline like "He suplexes crime!" or "He's got injustice in a headlock!"

So this is where White Wolf got the idea for the opening fiction for their Street Fighter rpg.

Confession time- I actually bought this issue when I was a lad. It was the 90's, we all made mistakes. I believe I may have thought that Instant Replay there was related to Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe. Anyway, he "walks through time", which is something that we all do when you think about it.

Soo... he's playing in Detroit?

The Blimp of Doom (sponsored by Geico).

This issue got Marvel in trouble with the Hopi Indian Tribe; personally, the bad guys look more like Scooby Doo villains. Regardless, I'm not sure why SuperPro appears to be fighting them on a hockey rink.

First, yay, it's the special "topical issue" issue. Second, if you read the above link, you'll no that the SuperPro costume is supposed to be indestructible; seven issues in and they're already ignoring established continuity. Third, look at that bad guy's costume. The blades on the wrists I understand, but the one's the side seem to serve no purpose. In fact, that's a recipe for trouble. All it takes is one butt scratch for tragedy to strike. "Hmm, let me just get a piece of gum out of my pocket and AAAHHH MY HAND WHY DID I PUT A GIANT SAWBLADE THERE?!?"

Look at Cap; he looks pissed to be guest-starring here. "Damn contractual obligations; this is as bad as that time with the Campbell Soup Kids."

I like how there's that one Replay above the logo who appears to have lost the lower portion of his body to the vagaries of the space-time continuum.

"Baseball? I f***ing hate baseball! Watch football, dammint!!!"

I realized that this cover isn't going to make a lot of sense to my younger readers. Heck, some of the people who should know what it's in reference to have probably forgotten. Suffice to say, it'd be like if someone made a cover parodying a commercial and then you look at that cover 20 years later.

Is that fire, or sand? Why does Pro have a baseball bat? These and other questions must remain unanswered, as this is the LAST issue. There was no overtime for SuperPro, and Marvel benched him forever more.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the game tonight. It's my sincere wish that both teams try their best and enjoy themselves; that way, EVERYONE wins. Failing that, GO STEELERS.

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Girls' Love Comics? Sounds sexy....

Love is kinda like me in that regard. Zing! ... :(

Heartbreak- Sonic's got it!

What is up with her posture? Her hand says she's trying to follow him, but the rest suggests she's leaning or swooning or something. Or maybe the orangeness of his pants has caused an inner ear disorder....

Going by the color of his pants and his dainty kerchief, I'm betting both of those ladies are snooping around the wrong haystack, if ye catch me drift.

Golden Age Green Lantern is a playa!

But she still has the negatives....

"I'll... I'll just wait by the door with your coat, then dear."

And as she waited for the bus that would take her on a one-way trip to Lonelyville, she wondered- "Did I leave the iron on?"