Are you ready for some football?

Today is SuperBowl Sunday, and I thought I'd jump on the bandwagon with a special post. I thought we'd take a look at NFL SuperPro!

Many others have written in depth about this mook; I'm just going to talk about the covers. However, here's everything you need to know. Anyway, let's get this game on!

See, he doesn't just fight crime, he TACKLES it. Because he's a football player. I wish there were more pro wrestler superheroes, so they could have a tagline like "He suplexes crime!" or "He's got injustice in a headlock!"

So this is where White Wolf got the idea for the opening fiction for their Street Fighter rpg.

Confession time- I actually bought this issue when I was a lad. It was the 90's, we all made mistakes. I believe I may have thought that Instant Replay there was related to Snake Eyes from G.I. Joe. Anyway, he "walks through time", which is something that we all do when you think about it.

Soo... he's playing in Detroit?

The Blimp of Doom (sponsored by Geico).

This issue got Marvel in trouble with the Hopi Indian Tribe; personally, the bad guys look more like Scooby Doo villains. Regardless, I'm not sure why SuperPro appears to be fighting them on a hockey rink.

First, yay, it's the special "topical issue" issue. Second, if you read the above link, you'll no that the SuperPro costume is supposed to be indestructible; seven issues in and they're already ignoring established continuity. Third, look at that bad guy's costume. The blades on the wrists I understand, but the one's the side seem to serve no purpose. In fact, that's a recipe for trouble. All it takes is one butt scratch for tragedy to strike. "Hmm, let me just get a piece of gum out of my pocket and AAAHHH MY HAND WHY DID I PUT A GIANT SAWBLADE THERE?!?"

Look at Cap; he looks pissed to be guest-starring here. "Damn contractual obligations; this is as bad as that time with the Campbell Soup Kids."

I like how there's that one Replay above the logo who appears to have lost the lower portion of his body to the vagaries of the space-time continuum.

"Baseball? I f***ing hate baseball! Watch football, dammint!!!"

I realized that this cover isn't going to make a lot of sense to my younger readers. Heck, some of the people who should know what it's in reference to have probably forgotten. Suffice to say, it'd be like if someone made a cover parodying a GoDaddy.com commercial and then you look at that cover 20 years later.

Is that fire, or sand? Why does Pro have a baseball bat? These and other questions must remain unanswered, as this is the LAST issue. There was no overtime for SuperPro, and Marvel benched him forever more.

Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys the game tonight. It's my sincere wish that both teams try their best and enjoy themselves; that way, EVERYONE wins. Failing that, GO STEELERS.

Girls' Love Comics? Sounds sexy....

Love is kinda like me in that regard. Zing! ... :(

Heartbreak- Sonic's got it!

What is up with her posture? Her hand says she's trying to follow him, but the rest suggests she's leaning or swooning or something. Or maybe the orangeness of his pants has caused an inner ear disorder....

Going by the color of his pants and his dainty kerchief, I'm betting both of those ladies are snooping around the wrong haystack, if ye catch me drift.

Golden Age Green Lantern is a playa!

But she still has the negatives....

"I'll... I'll just wait by the door with your coat, then dear."

And as she waited for the bus that would take her on a one-way trip to Lonelyville, she wondered- "Did I leave the iron on?"

"And remember- Nothing says 'Good Job' like a firm, open-palmed slap on the behind!"

Here are some more Career Girl Romances. Enjoy!

I'd need to do more research, but I think every romance comic ever has at least one sultry stewardess story.

Because nothing says "romance" like creepy farmer (?) voyeurism.

Typical liberal media jackals!

I think Disney owes Charlton comics some Hannah Montana royalties....

Honestly, at this point I think they were just picking careers out of a hat for their "From two different worlds" stories. Rejected pairings include firefighter/ account, professional wrestler/ sewage treatment worker, and supermodel/ comic book writer.

Wait, he's like her dad, and she wants to "kiss him for kicks"? Ew.

Because you can't spell "sexual harassment" without "sass"!

The 60's and 70's were a crazy time as comic book creators, by and large old white men, had to reconcile their preconceived notions about the fairer sex with the fact that these women might want to hold jobs. This shift in attitude lead to Career Girl Romances. Let's take a look!

I'm not sure that a cadet and a beautician qualify for a star-crossed romance. They're both white and seemingly middle class, so that's in their favor.

"We can be totally insensitive pricks, because she's only Julie!"

I'd like to put this cover's assertion to the test. If there are any lonely go-go girls out there, feel free to give me a call!

She's upset that everybody gets kissed but her, but then, sitting at the bottom of the ocean doesn't really lead to smooching, now does it?

"Hey, baby, let Mr. Furley pick up the rebound!"

She's outsourcing the office trysts to India.

Just like the old man in that book by Nabokov....

Kiss or be killed? That's kind of a choice like "Cake or Death", isn't it?

If Comics be the Food of Love, Read On!

"Why can't we ever have a 3-way with a guy?"

Fun continuity fact- that young lady would go on to join the Avengers!

Because nothing says "exotic" like white, middle-class suburbia.

The epic love triangle featuring a milk man and a bus driver!

I guess you could call this fore-play! Ah-ha-ha-haaa! Ah.

"Who needs a man when I have this big bag of weed?"

He's looking to go down the slopes, if you catch my drift.

Traffic cops get all the chicks.

I LOVE the bridesmaid's reaction in this one. She's reading a "I'm leaving you" letter as casually as she would a grocery list.

Romance!

It's February, which means before too long it will be Valentine's Day. So, to celebrate, the next two weeks will see me posting various romance covers. Enjoy!

I like how this cover is not entirely clear on WHO packed the picture of the handsome man. Sure, it's in the bag the bride is holding, but, judging by the reactions on their faces, it could go either way.

Because, y'know, a woman's life is entirely empty and devoid of meaning unless she has a man around.

"Get me 50cc of passion, stat!"

Nothing brings in the kids like attempted rape!

In fairness, she's majoring in Slut-onomics.

Those two look mighty uncomfortable, probably because Rusty there looks REALLY into it.

"Do you have anything to declare?"

"Only my love! ... And this jar of preserves."

If romance comics are to be believed, doctors and nurses do nothing but get embroiled in tawdry, scurrilous affairs. No wonder healthcare in the U.S. is so messed up!