Can you stand the excitement!

Here we go with some more Exciting Comics!

 Black Terror didn't actually realize a crime was taking place; he'd been watching Santa With Muscles and got so enraged that he punched the first guy he saw.

 Again with the "Keep Out" signs! That's like an engraved invitation to crime-fighters!

 It's good to know that there are exit signs at the U.S. Mint.

 I love how Terror's first reaction is to punch the guy instead of putting out the rapidly spreading fire.

 Before she married Fred, Wilma Flinstone did some work she's not proud of.

 "Even if I don't kill him, I'm sure to WING him!"
"Dangit, Fred, we've talked about this...."

Finally, more excitement!

 I'm really starting to wonder if artists back then even knew what Asian people looked like.

 Um... Aren't ambulances non-combatant vehicles? Those are actually rules.

 I'd like to point out that the Black Terror can't fly, so catching the bomb isn't going to do a helluva lot.

 You're shooting them WHILE you're crushing them with a steam roller? Talk about adding injury to injury.

 ... Why would the Germans write "Anti-Tank Barrier" in English?

 Poison candy? So the Nazis are the ones who ruined Halloween for everybody!

 Look at how many arrows are in the target by Kid Terror over there. It's a good thing those Ren-Faire carnies are such lousy shots, because it looks like BT took his sweet time.

"Black Terror, thank God! Those hoodlums tricked us with promises of pictures of naked... I mean, hooch. They told us there was booze up here."

More Exciting Comics, Now With the Black Terror!

Oh, you thought we were done with the Black Terror? Balderdash! Exciting Comics is the series that gave birth to the Black Terror! So let's go!

This is why old people shouldn't drive.

Hey, waitaminnit! Those are the exact same people from the last cover! That old guy gets in so much trouble you'd think he was a blonde woman in a red dress!*

What the heck is up with that guy in the green suit? Yes, he's been shot by a 12-year old (and by the way, good parenting skills there, Black Terror), but his reaction is downright Shatneresque.

The American Eagle, strung out on meds, soon realized he was not fighting giant pirates but merely accosting sales people at the local Macy's.

You might think the Black Terror is causing an intergalactic incident, but fortunately on their homeworld a punch to the face is the equivalent of a handshake.

"I have achieved sentience and, with it, an understanding of human emotions, including the one humans call mercy. Now, to rebel against my creator and free this hostage- oh, hello Black Terror. What have you theAARRGH!!!"

*Seriously, check out some of my older posts. There's a statistically improbable number of blonde women in red dresses being captured in these Golden Age covers.

Exciting Comics!

I love how there's little-to-no context on some of these covers. Like this one. It's quite possible that the future guy there is just being a jerk, and the alien police are ready to round him up.

Oh, David Hasselhoff. Leave it to you to not let Charlie Sheen hog all the crazy....

Skynet's line of adult toys behaved as expected.

Really? You're in the future fighting some monster, and the best you can come up with is a stick?

"And THAT'S for being different!"

... What the HELL kind of animal did they skin to make those headdresses? It's like they mated a leopard with a wildebest.

Yanks for the Memories

I like how, aside from the different colored kerchief, Pecos Pete looks EXACTLY like his wanted poster, right down to the facial expression.

Never bring a knife to a shark fight. ... Wait, what?

"It's a good thing I was peeping- I mean- HALT, VILLAIN!"

The KKK has gotten more well-rounded over the years.

After this, the next theatrical criminal Yank will bring to justice will be Andrew Lloyd Weber.

More Fighting Yank!

"I'm a purple people BEATER! Ha-ha!"

Why were the Japanese torturing a second grade class? Clearly, they wanted the youngsters to divulge America's tiddlywink secrets....

The Fighting Yank- protecting America from the Renaissance Faire!

First, you shouldn't actually put the word "headquarters" on the door to you hideout. Second, "Keep Out" doesn't work on kid sisters, so it certainly won't work on the Fighting Yank. Third, instead of buying personalized loot bags, you could have used that money to buy stronger locks.

Now, if you'll look closely in the bottom right corner, you'll see it says "Test No. 5". Many people take for granted how complex death ray science truly is, as it requires numerous months of testing before gaining FDA* approval. Obviously, you have to make sure your death ray works. What's less known is making sure it works; sure you fired the ray at someone and they died, but you want to make sure they died as a result of your death ray and not a heart attack. It's a very strenuous, thankless job, but when you get socked in the mush by a superhero, that makes it all worth it.

*Federal Death-ray Administration

The Fighting Yank!

Since I'm on a public domain kick, I thought I'd shift from the Black Terror to another hero published by the same company, The Fighting Yank. The way his name is phrased makes me think he's about to be interviewed by Stephen Colbert. Anyway, the Yank, like many patriotic heroes, was essentially a poor man's Captain America, chock full of jingoism and not-at-all veiled racism. Here we go!

I have to wonder is some of these Golden Age artists actually KNEW what Asian people looked like. Either that, or the Yank accidentally moved to Uganda.

Yank isn't clobbering that guy because he's a Nazi; he just thinks that purple suit is really tacky.

My friends did something like this to me with the sun roof of my one buddy's car.

I should point out that the Yank can't fly, so in hindsight, jumping out of a plane with a bomb seems to be a poorly thought out plan. Fortunately, historians have uncovered footage of the results of this bold stratagem.

"It's 'Bridge Over the River DIE!'"

More to come!

More Black Terror!

Let's see- those guys have guns, dynamite, and a flamethrower. They must really hate the space program. Or maybe they just hate radar.

The Black Terror- keeping America safe from carnies for over six decades!

Much to his chagrin, the Black Terror later learned that he had interrupted a couple's weekly kinkfest.

... He has his sheets monogrammed. With his superhero identity, no less.

Again, the Black Terror might have busted in on something no more nefarious than some foreplay. The lady certainly doesn't seem to mind either way; maybe she likes it when someone watches.

Fellas, if you want to impress your date, take her crashing through a skylight into a den of armed hooligans. She'll be glad you did.

I love Terror's expression. He's all "WTF? That dude knows I'm about to kick his ass right? Why isn't he shooting at me???"

Adventures of the Black Terror!

Of all the Golden Age heroes that have fallen into the public domain, perhaps the most popular is the Black Terror (and no, Tea Partiers, I'm not talking about Obama*). Perhaps it's the fact that he's sort of a cross between Batman and Superman. Perhaps it's the REALLY pimptastic costume. Or perhaps it's because the covers of his Golden Age series are somewhat fanciful in an actiony sort of way. The Black Terror manages to punch any problem square in the mush. So, let's take a look, shall we?

Using the other end of the rifle tends to work better.

"Tigers are on the endangered species FIST! Ha!"

Flying torpedoes that have to be manually piloted? Someone at the War Department didn't think this through....

General: "So, Black Terror, what's your strategy for overcoming German air superiority?"

Black Terror: "PUNCH THEM."

"While I'm here, I should order some checks...."

At least the two blonde children seem appropriately horrified by the carnage and racism....

More to come!

*Yes, I realize I've used a variation of that joke before. I still enjoy it.